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Every Choice Is a Stick With Two Ends

We are free to pick up any stick we like. We are not free to leave its other end on the ground. A short reflection on choices, the consequences that come with them, and a move of my own.

November 2, 2026 · Career & Life · 5 min read

By Dr.-Ing. Faisal Qayyum. Weighing a move yourself? See how I can help.

I hear the same wish in many forms. I want the job abroad, but not the distance from my parents. I want the PhD, but not the years of a student salary. I want the freedom of freelancing, and a fixed payment on the first of every month.

I understand each of these wishes. There is a picture that helps me whenever I hear them, and I have carried it since 2014.

A Stick Has Two Ends

That year I read Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. In the chapter on being proactive, he makes a simple point: we are free to choose our actions, but we are not free to choose the consequences that come with them. Then he gives it an image. When you pick up one end of a stick, you pick up the other end too.

I think of decisions this way. On the end near me hang the things I want: the job, the salary, the city, the title. On the far end hang the things that come with them. I can choose any stick I like. I cannot choose a stick that has only one end.

One stick, two ends A single wooden stick. Tags hanging from the near end read: the job, the salary, the city. Tags hanging from the far end read: the distance, the paperwork, the trade-offs. Both sets hang from the same piece of wood. What you reach for What comes with it the job the salary the city the distance the paperwork the trade-offs one piece of wood
You lift both ends at once. There is no place to cut it.

This is where I see people get frustrated. They hold the stick, look at the far end, and ask for a version without it. That version does not exist. If the far end is too heavy, the answer is not to saw it off. Put the stick down and pick up a different one, if you are able to. Just know that the new one has a far end too.

Some people can hold two sticks at once, a job in one country and a home in another. That is a real privilege, and I would not tell anyone to refuse it. It also means carrying both far ends at the same time.

Some Sticks Are Handed to Us

I want to be fair here. Not every stick is chosen. Nobody picks their birthplace, their passport, an illness, or a parent who needs care. Those were placed in our hands, and the picture is not a verdict on anyone carrying them.

It is for the other kind: the offer we accept, the country we move to, the degree we start, the yes we give at work. Those are ours, and so are their far ends.

The Stick I Picked Up in 2026

After nine years in German academia, I moved with my family to a faculty post at the University of Tabuk in February 2026. I wrote the practical side of it in my guide to moving from Germany to Saudi Arabia. This is the other side.

On the end near me were a permanent post, a better income, being closer to home, and room to build. On the far end were leaving the research network I had built in Germany, family logistics stretched across two countries, a new work culture, and starting over socially.

I looked at that far end before I lifted the stick. It is still there. But I have never caught myself asking for a version of this move without it, and I think that is the whole difference.

“Looking at the far end first does not make it lighter. It means nothing on it arrives as a surprise.”

Sticks Other People Are Holding

These are the sticks I see most often among the people who write to me. None of them is wrong. Each one simply comes whole.

My move: Germany to Saudi Arabia

This end

  • A permanent post
  • Better income
  • Closer to home
  • Room to build

The other end

  • Leaving a research network
  • Family logistics in two countries
  • A new work culture
  • Starting over socially

A job in the Gulf

This end

  • A tax-free salary
  • A real chance to save

The other end

  • Family a flight away
  • Residency tied to your employer
  • Long summers indoors

Building a life in Germany

This end

  • Stability
  • A strong social system
  • Good public schools

The other end

  • A language learned as an adult
  • Paperwork for nearly everything
  • Grey winters, far from family

Doing a PhD

This end

  • Years to go deep on one question
  • The title

The other end

  • Less pay than friends in industry
  • No promise of a job after
  • Often a move for the next contract

Going freelance

This end

  • Your own hours
  • Choosing your clients

The other end

  • Irregular income
  • Nobody else finds the work

Saying yes to everything at work

This end

  • Goodwill
  • Being seen as reliable

The other end

  • Your own work moves to the evenings
  • Hard to stop once it is expected

If you are holding one of these and the far end feels heavier than you expected, that is not failure. It is information. Sometimes it means you keep holding and get stronger. Sometimes it means you put it down. I wrote more about that second kind of weighing in the hidden cost of life in Europe.

Final Thought

When I think about this move, the salary and the distance come up together, and so do the room to build and the starting over. They were never two separate things.

It was always one piece of wood.

Questions People Ask

What does “pick up one end of the stick, pick up the other” mean?

It is an image Stephen Covey uses in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. We are free to choose our actions, but the consequences of an action come attached to it. Choosing the thing you want also means choosing what comes with it.

Can you make a choice without its consequences?

No. You can soften a consequence or prepare for it, but you cannot keep the part you want and cut away the rest. If the far end is too heavy, the honest option is a different choice, which comes with its own far end.

What if I did not choose my situation?

Then the stick image does not apply to it. Your birthplace, an illness, or a parent who needs care were handed to you, not picked up. The idea is meant for the choices you actually make, not as a verdict on circumstances you never chose.

Is moving abroad for a better job worth it?

It depends on whether you have looked at both ends before you move. A better salary or a permanent post comes with distance from family, paperwork and starting over socially. People who weigh that far end beforehand usually carry it better than people who hoped it would not be there.

Weighing a move of your own?

I help researchers and engineers look at both ends of a move to Germany or the Gulf, from the first decision to the signed offer.

Tell me what’s going on How I can help

If You Are Weighing a Stick Right Now

If an offer is on the table and you keep circling it, The Mid-Career Opportunity You Are Overthinking is about deciding before the window closes. If the stick is a doctorate, PhD vs Industry in Germany puts numbers on both ends.